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The idea of a spider crawling in bed with you during sex? Terrifying. But the Spider sex position? That’s something you definitely want in your bed.
The Spider sex position isn’t the simplest of positions, but trust us, it looks more daunting than it actually is. It’s likely not going to be a position you start in…or finish in. But once you’ve exhausted missionary, doggy style, and cowgirl, you may want to transition to the Spider for a few minutes before finishing off in a simpler position that increases the likelihood of orgasm.
You’ll notice that both people in the Spider position are relatively horizontal, unlike other positions—like doggy style—where the two partners are perpendicular to each other. The fact that both partners are more “flat,” for lack of a better word, has a few advantages when it comes to hitting the G-spot and prostate, making this position feel exceptionally pleasurable for the receiving partner. (More on this shortly.)
Here’s what to know about getting into the Spider sex position, along with its benefits, drawbacks, and variations.
How do you get into the Spider Sex Position?
“This position requires a little more agility but may be more accessible than it appears at first glance,” says Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., founder of Modern Intimacy. “Partners can get into the spider position first by laying on their backs, heads opposite each other, and legs extended along the sides of each other’s torsos.” (Partners can also start seated, facing each other, with the receiving partner sitting in the other’s lap and their legs over the top of the insertive partner’s legs.)
“From there, both partners align their genitals for penetration, lean back and prop themselves up on their hands or elbows, lifting one or both of their hips off the resting surface,” Balestrieri says.
The position should ultimately look something like this:
What are the pros of the Spider position?
“This is a great position for those looking for slower sexual experiences, as rocking too quickly may result in slipping out and having to reset yourselves,” says Daniel Saynt, founder & chief conspirator of the New Society for Wellness (NSFW), a NYC-based sex club. “This position is great for frontal stimulation of the vaginal wall, which is a known pleasure center, that when stimulated increases the likelihood of squirting.”
This position is fantastic for anal sex, too, adds sex therapist Gregory Kilpatrick, LMFT. If you or your partner’s penis curves more upward, it will hit the receptive partner’s prostate just right and “be a powerful source of pleasure,” he says.
Additionally, for the receiving partner, “It offers more release and surrender, as they can arch their back and really let go in ecstasy,” Balestrieri adds.
Are there any cons?
“This position may be difficult to sustain for long periods, depending on your levels of strength, fitness, and agility,” Balestrieri says.
Kilpatrick adds that “limitations of back flexibility and arm/shoulder strength and mobility” would be the main impediments to successfully pulling off this position.
Another drawback is that you can’t use your hands in this position to stimulate your or your partner’s penis, clitoris, or any other feel-good spots (like the nipples). “If that’s a big sensual driver for you, then maybe this isn’t the position for you,” Saynt says. “Also, this isn’t a great position if you like faster stimulation as slipping out can easily result.”
Variations of the Spider:
“For any arch-shaped position, a firm, propped pillow is your friend,” Kilpatrick says. “Slip one under the back of the receptive partner, and this will take a lot of stress off their back, arms, and shoulders. The penetrative partner, similarly, might find that leaning against a firm pillow or padded headboard may help them to stay in this position for a longer time without experiencing arm or back strain.”
Balestrieri adds, “You can also change things up in the position and have both partners sit up, wrapping their legs around each other’s waists, and arms around each other’s upper bodies. This is a whole other position entirely, [called] the lotus, but it gives you a way to catch your breath, get more skin-to-skin contact, and then easily transition back into the Spider without disrupting penetration.”
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.
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